the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
