So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You need a sexual gate keeper
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
