I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
