He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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