cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
