i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
