You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
