I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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