The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
