i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
