I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
God I need to hump something, right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
