I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
