You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
