I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
