it hurts more in the daytime
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
