she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
