i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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