Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
