he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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