remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
