so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
