I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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