I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
