Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
