i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
