Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
