So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
