Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
