Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
