I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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