I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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