she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
