people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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