who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
