I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
