fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
