I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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