he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
