His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
