I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am one with the molecules
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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