dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
