I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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