It's Friday. Sex?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
