Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
