Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
