Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
