Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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