You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize