i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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