I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
