p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
