So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
