Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
