I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
