his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
