Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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