i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
