found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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