omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
