i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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