i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
