Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize