eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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