why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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