life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
