hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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