After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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