she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This baby is an asshole
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
