i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
