Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
