If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
