did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
