Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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