we made out on top of his cat.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
