Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize