My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
