I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
