I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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